January is in danger of dropping to the second highest time for divorce inquiries and filings. According to a University of Washington study, August is a peak month. BusinessInsider.com lists six reasons why:
Couples think the summer break will fix their marriage, but end up disappointed.
Summer can highlight marriage problems because of added emphasis on family bonding.
When kids leave for college, empty nest syndrome can kick in.
Some couples wait until the end of summer to give their family one last memory.
August gives the children enough time to adjust to the divorce before the holiday season.
People are more likely to meet someone new during the summer so it’s easier for them to end the marriage.***
As a therapist, the first two reasons are not surprises. Too few couples pursue marital help. Those that do are often more interested in fixing their spouse than taking the steps to strengthen the relationship. There are good resources, seminars, and workshops that can help rebuild marriage relationships for those who are sincerely interested.
As an adult child of divorce, reasons 3, 4, and 5 make me want to scream at the naivety of hurting spouses.
First, gray divorce (divorce after the kids have grown) is near epidemic proportions. Dr. Laura was quoted as saying, “if at all possible; please put off any thought of divorce until your children are grown.” ** The reason for this logic is buried in myths. Click here for details on the impact of gray divorce.
Second, regarding “One last memory,” it is ironic that neither the divorced parents nor the children will remember anything good from that last summer together….ever.
Third, it takes from 18 months to multiple years for spouses to recover from the emotional fallout from divorce and the underlying causes. It takes less time if they participate in good programs like DivorceCare. More if they jump into another marriage without dealing with the personal issues that caused the first marriage to collapse. How is it the kids will be adjusted in four months?
As a Christian, the sixth reason of looking at someone else while married reminds me of the marriage vows: for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. One of the reasons God rejected some religious leaders was “because the LORD is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. (Malachi 2:14). Paul wrote, Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22).
For couples with kids who aren’t in abusive situations, divorce usually creates more problems than it solves. The answer is learning why you respond the way you do to your spouse, and taking steps to heal personally and heal the relationship.
Often the response I hear is, “Yeah, Kent, but it takes two!” They’re right, but they have the wrong two. It’s you and God working together. “Well I’ve tried that for years and nothing has changed!” We’ll look at that in the next blog.
Divorce Sucks! by Addie Williams
19th Sept 5 years of mariage by scribbletaylor