One of the toughest decisions you’ll ever make deserves a look at some facts…and myths.
You’re tired of being misunderstood, or feeling unloved, or battling for everything, or feeling alone, or never getting sex, or never getting help with the kids, or any of a thousand other things. Then an inside voice or a friend says, “it just isn’t worth it.” Before you take action on those fateful words, please ask yourself these five questions:
Are my parents divorced? If the answer is yes, there are issues that are impacting you from their divorce which are dramatically impacting your relationship. Review the various resources on this site to learn why ACD divorce at much higher rates and what you can do to avoid the same.
Have you considered the cost? Click here to learn more about the real impact of divorce.
Are you listening to lies or God’s truth? Often emotionally hurting people can’t see the forest for the trees. God’s word and godly counsel can help.
How will it affect your kids? Click here for a good summary of the impact.
Am I in an abusive relationship? Click here for important information.
Now I understand why my parents divorced.
Looking through the lens of hurt can blind us to the truth that the vast majority of divorces don’t occur because of the big issues—adultery, addiction, abuse, they occur because people feel their needs aren’t being met. There are good self-help and marriage help programs to help with that.
Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” Be careful of trusting your heart over a good objective look at how much each of you is contributing to the marriage difficulties.
God wouldn’t want me to stay in this marriage because He wants me to be happy.
Nowhere in the Bible does it say God wants us to be happy in marriage. This doesn’t mean God wants you to be miserable either. However, our focus needs to be on pleasing God first, not ourselves. His work in us will bring about the joy we desire. Many marriages have been saved when just one of the spouses decided to serve God first and trust Him with their spouse.
Other thoughts that often arise:
It’s too late for our marriage. It is beyond hope.
You are not the first to feel this way. Trusted people may be telling you this. Even pastors. But don’t give up! Thousands and thousands have shared your view, but taken biblical steps to rebuild their marriages—sparing the kids (like you) the unending consequences. God has a plan.
In cases of abuse, adultery, and addictions that are putting you and your family at risk, separation may be necessary. But biblical separation is used so that the fallen spouse can repent, seek healing, have their change verified by church leadership, and then pursue a biblical process for the restoration of the marriage. God’s view of separation is that it is a catalyst for change, not divorce. however, where a sinful spouse is unrepentant, divorce may be a necessary option.
This page and site is intended for the majority of marriages where abuse is not an issue. Many marriages could be restored if even one of the spouses clung to the truth that, “with God all things are possible.” God has worked miracles in countless on-the-brink couples like you. And though it took a lot of work, every one of them would tell you it was worth it.